6 Reasons Your Wife Is Growing Cold Towards You (and How To Fix It!
Movies often depict relationships as fairy tales. Where, against all odds, you get to find your soulmate, get married and walk off into the sunset. The end.
The highly romanticized movie portrayal of marriages is only partly true. You do get to marry and spend the rest of it with the love of your life—your best friend. It is a life-long commitment and journey filled with the highs and lows of life.
The first few years of marriage are what they call the honeymoon phase. This is where you both feel intense passion and intimacy towards each other. It is like you are falling in love again for the very first time. You get to build your home, family, and dreams with your soulmate by your side. Everything is perfect.
Then comes the reality of marriage. Disappointments and conflicts enter the scene. The need to juggle huge responsibilities like paying bills, keeping a job, raising a child, and making a home. Soon enough, the stress of this rollercoaster ride will take its toll on both of you. Instead of growing together amid the rocky marriage, you start to grow apart.
The next thing you know, your wife is growing cold and distant towards you. As what the mainstream media painted, men are often left clueless as to what, why, and how it happened.
To help you figure that out, here are 6 reasons why your wife is giving you the cold treatment and how to fix it!
1. She feels neglected and isolated
You spend long hours at work and when you get home, you do not talk or engage with your wife. Instead, you turn on the tv and watch the latest football game. You spend your weekends with your drinking buddies instead of taking her out for a romantic date. You stop doing things that you usually do with her like walking the dog or taking the kids to school.
How to fix it: Even if you are doing it unconsciously, these habits of yours are destroying your marriage. Women are emotional beings. Even though you have been married for so long, she still craves intimacy and affection from you. She longs to connect and spend time with you—the love of her life.
Just because you are already married does not mean that the courting stops. Make time for her. Spend time doing the things that you both enjoy. A simple “How was your day?” can go a long way.
2. You hurt her feelings—repeatedly
Conflicts are normal in every marriage. Healthy disagreements allow the relationship to grow and become stronger. As long as you communicate your feelings and come up with a solution after a fight.
Unhealthy ones are the immature nagging and inconsiderate petty fights for no reason.
Do you find yourself picking a fight with her every other day because of the messy house? Do you swear at her and use hurtful words during a fight? Do you become aggressive with her because you had a bad day?
Fights are ugly. It becomes uglier without saying “I’m sorry” the next day. And it becomes the ugliest when fights turn physical.
How to fix it: Communicate your feelings and problems. Talk it through and get to the bottom of it. Saying sorry and owning up to your mistakes is important. Seek help if you have anger management problems or you have a hard time opening up. This is a marriage and not a boxing match.
3. Intimacy and alone time
Sex and intimacy are healthy ingredients of a successful marriage. It does evolve and change in frequency as the years go by. Sex goes hand in hand with intimacy and physical affection. Taking intimacy and affection out of the picture is the start of an unhealthy sex life. She grew cold towards you because sex became obligatory for you. A means to your end. You are devaluing your marriage by only showing interest when you want to get laid.
Intimacy also pertains to simple gestures of love like cuddling, kissing goodbye, and holding hands. Even helping her prepare the kids for school is considered a small act of love. If you are not doing this as often as you did before, you have your answer on why she is growing distant towards you.
How to fix it: Lovemaking is supposed to be a bond that strengthens your marriage. Turn sex into lovemaking by taking your time and not rushing it. Focus on her needs instead of yours. Season it with intimacy and affection.
4. She is getting bored
Marriage is exciting for the first few years. When you are at it for almost 25 years, it tends to become routine. But, it becomes boring if you let it become boring.
Eat breakfast. Go to work. Go home. Sleep. Repeat. Getting caught up in a slump is a sign that your marriage needs a lift. You are not college dorm mates, you are a married couple.
How to fix it: An exciting marriage does not happen naturally. It takes a lot of effort to make it one. Break free from your routine and be spontaneous. Take a walk in the park. Set a movie night. Surprise her with a flower or with a Simply Wood Ring just because.
5. Stressed and depressed
It is also possible that she is giving you the cold treatment because she’s been having issues of her own. Balancing her duties as a wife, a mom, and an employee can cause her a lot of stress and loneliness.
How to fix it: Be supportive of her. Ask about the problems she is carrying and help take a load off of her if you can. Talk to her only if she is ready.
6. Changed priorities
This usually happens when a baby enters the marriage. Both of your priorities will shift. All the time and love will be poured onto your children—which is good. The bad part is having no time and love left for each other.
How to fix it: Taking care of children is a hard task. There is no manual for it so you learn as you go. The important thing is to become partners when it comes to children. Help her in changing the diaper. Take turns during feeding time. Be present during important milestones. Above all, allot a private time with your wife.