How You Can Say ‘I Love You’ Without Using Words
They say there are a hundred different ways to say you love a person. That is true. While it can be really sweet to hear your partner say “I love you” over and over again, that can also be boring over time. Some women feel that their men are obliged to say it. When you are in a relationship, there are several other ways to say those three words.
Communication is perhaps the most important way to keep a relationship strong. Words are sometimes not enough though. Our actions give non-verbal messages that may or may not be understood well. Couples need to find ways to address this growing communication gap and saying “I love you” just does not cut it.
Marriage counselor Dr. Gary Chapman understood this very well. In 1992, he came up with the idea of communicating through the Five Love Languages. In his book, he says the way to give and receive love is based on five categories. People are likely to fall under one or two of these categories. If they do not receive affection through them, your efforts will most likely be ignored.
It is a fairly simple concept: if we do not speak the same love language, we probably will have issues in the future.
Notice something weird?
Have you often observed other couples and find them sort of weird? Why are those two together all the time? Why does he sacrifice his free time for that girl? Why does he always give her special gifts? Why are they so close together – literally? Why does he look like her loyal servant?
If you find some of these weird, that is okay. It means that is not your love language. If you think some of these are definitely a must in any relation, it most likely means you fall under that category. So what are these love languages?
Time is a precious commodity for people under this category. Someone who speaks this love language puts emphasis on being together above anything else. They are happy when you pay attention and listen intently. They love it when you remember what the last conversation was about. They love when you prioritize them overwork and going out with your friends on weekends. This can be as little as making time to watch your favorite Netflix show together and talking about it over dinner.
A person who likes this love language also prefers experiences over gifts. Booking a much-needed vacation or scheduling nightly Facetime calls at night when you are away for work means more to them. Taking time to respond to their messages in a timely manner is important. Any sign that you are ignoring them or are too busy for them may signal that you are losing interest. It may drive them away.
Words of Affirmation
face it. We all want to feel validated once in a while. Some people, especially
those who fall under this second love language, think it is very important. How
many times have we seen couples break up because the woman does not feel
appreciated by his man? This cannot be the usual “Nice Dress” or “You look hot”
type of affirmation. This has to be a genuine sense of validation that needs to
be communicated well.
For example, let her know how much you love her cooking. Let her know how much you appreciate the way she takes care of your children all day even though it can be insane. Tell her how much you love being relaxed at home after a stressful day of work because she takes good care of your home.
Men may find this daunting as they usually are not used to talking about their feelings. They don’t have to be spoken words. Send her a message. Let her know you appreciate her.
Acts of Service
often hear about the expression Labor of Love. This is important for people who
speak this love language. Any act of service shows how much you care. People
often realize this too late. When your partner is nagging about something, he
or she is probably telling you what you need to do to make them feel loved. On
the other side of the spectrum, people who do provide service as an act of love
may feel bad if their work is unappreciated.
For married couples, chores are a big factor for people who speak this language. Making sure you wash dishes after dinner or putting the toilet seat down after you pee are big signs that you are paying attention. Cooking dinner or bringing home dinner so she would not have to cook after a long day can be perceived as a loving act.
Ever notice why some girls like receiving flowers while others don’t? This is an important sign that your girlfriend’s love language is receiving gifts. This might be the most expensive love language but it can be the easiest to fulfill. People who speak this love language often equate gifts to your love and devotion. They often feel good when you do not forget to give them an anniversary gift. She is probably the type who would keep a collection of teddy bears you gave her since you started dating.
One caveat: gifts do not have to be expensive. Take notes from romantic comedy films. A simple cupcake or flower you picked out of your garden will look as important to her as an expensive gift. If you are not great at buying gifts, make sure you ask help from people who know her the best.
This is not just about sex! Oftentimes, women who speak this love language complain about not being touched by their husbands for years. Touch can mean a lot of things. It can be massaging her back when she feels tense. It can be putting your arm around her when you watch a movie together. It can be simply making sure you hold her hand while walking together.
Touch gives a sense of security that you acknowledge their presence. It means you love being close to her. When talking about your partner in front of other people, make sure you tap them on the leg or shoulder. Notice the reaction you will get when you do this.